Due to budget cuts, our life hacks this week will be coming from BigEddysDiscountLifeHacks.com.  Here are some unconventional but totally effective tips for your daily lives:

1. Using sandpaper instead of toilet paper can actually improve colon health as well as wearing down those pesky hemorrhoids.  The coarser the better!

2. Typing 5318008 into a calculator and then turning it upside down will make it look like it says “boobies”, but graphing calculators allow you to type actual letters, so you can write out whatever dirty things you want.

3. If you go onto one of the school computers, and then use the arrow keys to type out this pattern—up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right—nothing will happen.

4. To save money on gas: get in your car, drive to an animal shelter, get a dog, get seven more dogs, get a sled, move to Alaska.

5. When someone says a nasty comment about your mother, apply cold water to the burned area.

6. Applying honey to your body will not cure any of the following ailments: chicken pox, pancreatic cancer, ugliness, or a runny nose.

7. The best online dating site?  Facebook.

8. Eating watermelon seeds may cause a watermelon to grow out of your body, but only if you’re a garden.

9. Obesity can be cured in two simple steps: put down the zebra cakes and go outside.

10. When a fortune cookie tells you that you have a lovely personality, that’s not a fortune, it’s just an observation.