High schools and colleges across the nation suffer from a chronic lack of funding for the arts. Music, theatre, drawing and painting, poetry and photography; these subjects generally rest on the edge of tumbling into the abyss of cut funding. However, the brilliant insight of experts in the field of economics say that this is actually helping the arts.
“The heads of these programs are always complaining about their non-existent budget,” said a Mr. Gree Disgood, self-proclaimed economist and majority stockholder for a number of construction companies in Minnesota. “Schools tend to allocate more funds towards new sports stadiums and fancy events for benefactors than to the arts. But is that such a bad thing?”
Mr. Disgood, who has recently been hired to oversee the construction of a new football stadium in Marshall where the old Indian burial ground used to be, explains that struggling to make ends meet is the life blood of those “artsy-fartsy” types.
“It’s cruel to give these children clean brushes and fresh new canvases and a nice selection of paints. We are deceiving them, really. If they go into a career in painting, are they going to have all those luxuries? No, they’ll probably live in poverty and have to use porcupine quills and blood, or whatever the cavemen used to use.”
His claims may seem questionable, but history has proved time and time again that some of the greatest artists are those who went through intense and crippling hardships. By soaking up district funding for those two stadiums he’s building, he’s actually enabling future masters of craft. By forcing choirs to practice in decaying rooms that may or may not have mold, by making theatre an after school club rather than a class so the district doesn’t have to pay someone to teach it, he’s making the world a better place.
A Facebook group has even popped up in support of this, called “Please Don’t Give Us Funding!” Run primarily by hipsters, it talks about the authenticity of what is being commonly referred to as “poor art.”
“I think it adds a lot more to a piece of art if you make it with crappy materials in your mom’s basement,” says Jeremy “Lake” Smith, a local slam poet and hipster. “Like, how cool is it if instead of using traditional materials, you buy some surplus lead-paint on the black market for your mural? Apply it with your hands instead of brushes? The paint fumes are an added bonus. I do my best work when I’m tripping balls.”
Supporters of “Please Don’t Give Us Funding!” have started posting their work online. Photographs from disposable cameras, modge-podge using ample materials from the local dump, even videos of park performances of popular plays in the nude. Who needs a stage or a costume budget?
“There’s a visible change in the community,” Mr. Disgood said. “The creative kids are happy with their modest allotments, and there is more money in the budget for the less creative among us who aren’t satisfied with sub-standard supplies. This way, we’ll have the cash to build those three new sports stadiums. Everyone’s happy!”
Mr. Disgood’s new book, “Money and Art Don’t Mix,” will be hitting stores this Christmas season. Keep an eye out at your local book- store. When it comes to allocating scarce funds to the various programs, just remember the cardinal message of the books: Gree Disgood!
