It’s a sickness that’s probably gotten to all of us at one point. It’s a nasty emotion capable of making us despise people for the pettiest of reasons. What’s the cure? Well, I’m not sure there is one. There’s no vaccine you can just inject yourself with. Jealousy needs to be fought down and subdued. The white blood cells aren’t going to do this for you, I’m afraid. It’s all up to you.
I’ve tried a few different solutions to jealousy. One of the more unorthodox ones was to dive headfirst back into a friendship with the girl who’d broken my heart. Not just that, but I let my friends keep me up to date on her next romantic endeavor. Total exposure. It was painful, and my god, it drove me crazy. But the process was over sooner. I was numb to the pain in no time. I do not recommend this method.
Then there’s complete separation. Hole up in your room, blast music or watch TV, whatever your comfort show is. Do not, under any circumstances, go on Facebook, lest you see a changed relationship status or some new pictures. The pain is a little less that total exposure. Still crippling, though, and wildly sporadic. Even an all day Friends marathon may not keep you laughing long enough to stave off those dark thoughts. You may find yourself locked up in there for weeks, even months, before that feeling of jealousy subsides. After all, you may not know what’s going on outside the safety of your walls, but your imagination will fill in the blanks for you.
The third option is to find yourself a replacement, a rebound, a new object of affection. I’ve discovered that this is the quickest, most painless way to get over an ex. Does that mean I recommend it for everyone? No. For one, there’s always the risk that your latent jealousy will not go away. You may find that once you’ve filled the void with someone else, well, you don’t want them. Congratulations, you’ve just used someone like a tissue. Then there’s the opposite issue, dependence. If you’re anything like me, then a lot of your happiness comes from relationships. Which means there’s not one moment of independence between significant others. You’ve hopped from one drug to the next. And while in the short term that may stave off the withdrawals, you’re setting yourself up for a catastrophe in the long run.
None of those options are all that great… and in lieu of my most recent breakup, I’ve gone soul searching for a way to slay the Great Green Beast. And here’s the solution I’ve come up with. You just need to downsize the Incredible Hulk to a much more manageable Bruce Banner. Technically, they’re the same person, but with two drastically different personalities. This is true with jealousy, a very unnatural emotion, and it’s healthy and natural counterpart, envy.
What’s the difference? Envy is desire, it’s striving for betterment. You envy the talent that famous actors and singers have. Are you jealous of these people? Probably not. You don’t dislike them, you’re not sick to your stomach thinking about how much better they are than you.
Imagine your ex has a new significant other. You’re jealous, and you have every right to be. Feel that anger and dejection for as long as it serves you. But when that gets tiring, try converting your jealousy to envy. What does she see in him? Why is he with her? Maybe this new guy is ripped. She’s thinner than you are.
Well, those are things that can be changed, right? Try using that envy of someone’s superior appearance to fuel yourself. Go work out, run a few times a week, drop a few pounds, get those washboard abs.
It’s not just physical traits, either. It’s okay to envy those qualities in their new boyfriend or girlfriend that you never had. Like being romantic. Making little gestures. Not being so needy, so clingy. Even asking ‘how are you?’ and genuinely caring about the answer. It’s hard not to be embarrassed about your failings in past relationships, but there’s also room for lots of growth there. And once you start using these emotions in a positive way to iron out some of your flaws, you might be surprised how many heads you start to turn.
