It’s a great day for Republicans everywhere. In an effort to boost morale among younger conservative voters, a successful effort I might add, the Republican Party has authorized a new line of action figures. Many popular politicians will be represented. But the good news for us Minnesotans is that our very own 6th district representative will lead the pack: Michele Bachmann.
It seems quite the task to take that vibrant woman and condense her down to a tiny lifeless piece of plastic. But the manufacturers have taken that gorgeous face that once graced the cover of Newsweek and perfectly recreated it on the action figure.
But there’s more to this collectible than a woman suit and pearl necklaces. The action figure has a button on her back that makes her left hand extend, for “JIM GRAVES PUNCHING ACTION!” Her right hand is shaped to hold a variety of accessories, including political signs, a cross, and an American flag. It has also been specifically designed so that arm may not be moved over the crotch, to prevent perverted young boys from posing her to look like she was… doing something obscene.
But wait, there’s more! Just pull a drawstring, and this action figure will spout off one of any number of her brilliant quotes. These are just a few:
-“Are you pro-America or anti-America?”
-“There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.”
-“Lady Liberty and Sarah Palin are lit by the same torch.”
-“If gay marriage goes through, K-12 little children will be forced to learn that homosexuality is normal, natural and perhaps they should try it.’’
-“We’re running out of rich people in this country.”
That’s not all. The Michele Bachmann action figure is only one of the many collectibles about to hit stores. As a part of the “Almost President in 2012” series, there is Rick Perry, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and of course Mitt Romney.
And don’t forget the token blue and red elephant mount figure. It is compatible with all the whole series. Demoralize your Democratic friends by showing them your toy Bachmann riding a toy elephant to victory!
