The Mayans were wrong.  The world didn’t end in 2012.  No, it seems like it’s going to end in September 2013 with this shocking revelation.  The younger generation has fallen on hard times… with drinking alcohol.

“I’m just baffled,” said Rebecca Scott, RA of the Fine Arts dorm. “I didn’t think something so sinister could happen right here in Marshall.  It makes me question a lot of things.  Like my choice to become an RA, our generation as a whole, and America.”

Witnesses on the scene report hearing a distinct ‘tss tss tss’, the beat of a song at a secret party that could be heard throughout the complex, even though it was quiet hours.

“I was trying so hard to tune it out,” said Alec Otto, a sophomore here at SMSU. “Their constant laughing and cheering totally ruined my evening yoga.”

After a time, public safety was called to the scene.  They formed a makeshift SWAT team, armed with blindingly bright flashlights.  The RA keyed them into the room, and they stormed the party.  It was a terrifying sight.  Red cups everywhere, a strobe light flickering, and an almost empty case of PBR tall boys.

“I just don’t understand,” said Justin Craigmile, a public safety officer. “They weren’t even of legal age to drink.  Not to mention this is a dry campus.  It sickens me.  This is why I joined the force.”

In the unlikely event that this underage alcohol consumption continues, just remember: public safety is out there.  They will find you.  So pack up the booze and bust out the textbooks!