After last week’s article about Bigfoot in the dorms, we’ve had a very unfortunate backlash.  Apparently, our furry friend doesn’t like attention being drawn to him.  Upon reading the April Fools issue of the Spur, which pointed out his presence in the dorms, Bigfoot reportedly went on a rampage.

“Apparently Bigfoot highly values his anonymity,” says Andrew Bradley, SMSU’s resident Cryptozoologist. “Once his identity was revealed in the paper, he went ape s***.”

The first thing on Bigfoot’s to-do list, other than getting sloppy drunk, was to steal every single issue of the Spur around school.   Newsstands were cleaned out all over campus, creating an uproar among news-hungry students.  Only a few copies survived, hidden in the recesses of the library and the small stockpile that Dan Kilkelly grabs every week.  It’s unknown what Bigfoot did with all these copies of the Spur, but collectors estimate that this now incredibly rare issue will sell for upwards of 42,000 dollars on Amazon.com.

Next, armed with a marker, Bigfoot is believed to have defaced the walls in dorms, targeting Bradley specifically, since he was the closest to getting live footage of Bigfoot.  Otherwise, it was probably just some drunk idiot.

“It was very hurtful,” Bradley said. “Bigfoot and I have actually had some pretty nice conversations online.  I thought we were really getting somewhere.  Maybe I could help him with his social anxiety, but he prefers to stay hidden.”

This act of drunken vandalism has inspired other mythical members of the community to “come out” and reveal themselves to the world.

“I’m actually a Unicorn,” said Stanger, SMSU’s mascot. “I had an operation, got my horn removed, because people made fun of me for it.  But I’m not afraid anymore.  After Bigfoot made such a big spectacle about this, I decided to just reveal who I really am inside.  And I think he should do the same.  This is getting out of hand.”

Bradley says he harbors no hard feelings towards the sasquatch.

“It’s tough being mythological.  No one really sees you for who you are.  He told me about his life before going into hiding once, and a particularly horrifying experience involving a YMCA locker room and some rotten kids pointing fingers and taking pictures.  But we’re all here for you, Biggy.  Those days are behind you.”