In today’s world, teenagers are pressured to be perfect in everything that they do. Failure to reach unrealistically high goals turns adolescents to negative activities. Katie (name has been changed), a former Marshall High School graduate, was pressured by family and friends to achieve and unrealistic ideal. From the way she dressed and acted at school to her grades and keeping up with family life, Katie spun out of control. Eventually she turned to cutting.
In 2000 when the movie Bring It On came out, Katie was hooked. Cheerleading became all she could think about, just like all her friends. Her previous high school had a six-time regionally recognized cheerleading squad. The expectations to join the squad were high. “That didn’t stop me. I was overweight then. Thirty pounds over that healthy mark. So I worked my butt off to get in shape for the team,” she said.
As tryouts approached, she became more nervous. “The anxiety attacks came closer together,” she said. “I grabbed the kitchen scissors. I wasn’t really sure how to even go about it. I opened them and pulled it across my skin, and it hurt. But it got my mind off of the fear of not making it. So I kept doing it, a little bit each day until tryouts.”
Tryouts that she didn’t pass.
“I went home and blogged about it. And then searched ‘cutting’. Suddenly, I saw all these photos of girl’s arms streaked in blood. I didn’t realize I was doing it wrong, I’d never drawn blood from it. I didn’t know there was a wrong way to cut.” One photo had a picture of a girl with a blade next to her arm, a deep gash on her wrist.
The next day Katie purchased a pack of blades.
“I didn’t really need them at that point. I was starting to focus more on school and getting through the mountains of homework. It was comforting to know the blades were there. Just in case I needed them,” she said.
Katie went through a six-month span where she didn’t cut. “The stress wasn’t there anymore. I saw girls who made the team becoming miserable. Real life cheerleading wasn’t like the movie,” she said. When junior year ended, the move to Marshall and indecision about a college choice became too much for her.
Her first bleeding cut was along her inner thigh. “I knew no one would see that. At first I was scared. It felt like I didn’t cut too deep, but there was blood running from it. And it just kept coming. I remember grabbing tissue after tissue to stop the bleeding. Once it finally stopped, it stung, but I felt better.”
During her senior year, she found a peer who had recovered from cutting. “Talking it over helped,” Katie said. “And then I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to help people. That’s when I decided to go to college for counseling.”
“If someone is having a rough time or you think they’re cutting, they don’t always want it to be out there in the world,” Katie said. “Let them know you’re there for them. It doesn’t have to be a direct conversation. Just be there.”
